IMDB madeleinepeccoux's review of Wake Up Dead Man

Merry Christmas

I watched Wake Up Dead Man last night with my dad. Earlier, before dinner, he had put on Michael Curtiz's White Christmas. My dad was sitting on the couch. I was in the armchair next to him. I didn't watch the movie. I was listening to Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, the full-cast audio edition that came out a few days ago.

For a few months now, I've been listening to Harry Potter every day. I went through all the Stephen Fry versions and had to re-listen to some of them. I listen mostly while riding my bike, on public transport, while cooking, in bed, or whenever I don't have anything to do but don't feel like doing nothing, and whenever looking at the walls or watching images feels like too much work.

Anyway. My dad was sitting on the couch, which is covered in dog hair and makes me sneeze. I was in the armchair that used to belong to my grandmother. It's too hard and too low. It's normally propped in a corner of my dad's bedroom and functions as a place to pile clothes that aren't clean but also aren't dirty enough for the laundry basket. It now has a sheet over it that my dad put on so that I can sit without sneezing because of the dog hair.

The couch also belonged to my grandmother and normally serves the same purpose as the armchair, except in my bedroom, whenever I'm around. It's also very hard and way too low. It's too narrow, too. The chair and the couch are mismatched in shape, size, and color. They don't fit well in the living room. They look too small, like dollhouse furniture.

There used to be a big L-shaped couch, but my dad says he got sick of seeing it and ordered a new one. He sold the old big couch for 400e. He says he did very well on that deal, considering the state it was in. Unfortunately, he later realised the new couch he had ordered wasn't as good as he'd thought, so he cancelled the order. And because a good new big L-shaped couch is expensive and it's not the right moment, he dragged the couch from my room and the chair from his room and says that, for now, it does the job.

My brothers, my dad's girlfriend, and my grandparents are coming for dinner on the 30th. I don't know where we'll all sit. If my grandparents sit on either the chair or the couch, they won't be able to get out of them because they're so low. I guess they'll have to sit on the dining open-back chairs, which I also don't find very comfortable. Whenever I sit on them, I place a sleeping pillow behind my back and my hot water bottle on my lap, so I feel contained.

Lately, I've been refilling my hot water bottle 4 to 5 times a day. I can't go to bed without it.

Josh O'Connor is terribly handsome.

Deleted by IMDB

Coup de grâce

Earlier tonight, I watched the first episode of Pluribus because it has 8.6 stars on IMdB and I can't be by myself. I paused it halfway through to take out my laundry. I didn't start it again and began writing this instead. This isn't about Pluribus.

Yesterday morning, I had coffee with Daniel. I was happy to see him. Even though I know it's foolish, I couldn't help fantasize that maybe he'd tell me he'd missed me. That didn't happen. He did, however, mention (more than once) how he almost broke up with his partner while visiting her in Chicago. I can't help but wonder if he meant to torture me.

While I was watching Pluribus, he forwarded me an article about an artist who wears a pregnancy belly to reflect on the past, the future, her life, her dreams, etc. It's hard to put into words how upset I was. I am an artist. And for the past three years, I have been wearing a pregnancy belly too. I'm not the only one. On the website where I've purchased mine, they advertise selling them to TV productions, private clients having a surrogate baby, and all those "who simply want to make their fake pregnancy dreams come true."

I have worn my pregnancy belly to the supermarket. On the streets. On my bike. At the movies. At the restaurant. Sometimes, I'll pass by a passport photo store and buy a pregnant portrait of myself. I collect them. Sometimes I look at them and cry. I have a big exhibition coming up in March where I'll present the biggest selection of my collection yet. This work is about how lonely I feel. How terrified I am of dying alone. How hungry I am for love and touch. So hungry that I volunteered, for more than a month, to be the 48th wheel in Daniel's open relationship. That's despite the fact that my favorite books are Antigone and Romeo and Juliet, and the last time I truly loved someone, I made a pact with the Universe to please take my life in exchange for never letting him die.

Daniel didn't mean to upset me by sending me the article. But how did he not guess that he might? Just hours earlier, at the café, I had told him how anxious I've been. He says I didn't. I haven't seen a vegetable in days. My lower back hurts so much I can feel it down my legs.

When I told Daniel the article upset me, he gave me what felt like a directive, an instruction: "Make the work you want to make in the context of the world you live in." "Absolutely was not my intention, apologies, but look at it in order to define what this all means to you specifically." I hope he knows these are very basic pieces of advice and that I could have come up with them myself.

IMDB madeleinepeccoux's review of Poor Things

Bella Baxter is not an ass.

I don't think I could ever date someone who thinks that Bella Baxter is an ass. I watched Poor Things with Ben at the cinema on Valentine's Day. I feel like he didn't want to spend that day with me. I made him a card. I told him (and myself) that I wasn't expecting anything, but in hindsight, I think I did. The movie felt a bit too long. I don't remember us holding hands. We broke up soon after.

I could say it was because we didn't have much in common. Because Ben turned everything into a joke. Or even because we weren't in love with each other. But really, it all boils down to Bella Baxter.

We discussed it on our way out and then again during dinner with Rebecca and her sister, who had not seen the movie but whom we nonetheless called as witnesses. Ben hated Bella Baxter. She made him angry. And I suspect, disgusted.

My theory is that Bella Baxter reminded him of his ex-girlfriend, who cheated and lied to him less than six months ago. And when he said to me, 'Bella Baxter is an ass,' what he really meant was, 'My ex-girlfriend is an ass.' And by 'ass,' he meant 'tramp.' When we broke up, he told me he was still in love with her. Jammer.

IMDB madeleinepeccoux's review of Brave New World

Will there be a second season?

I didn't want to watch the show before reading the book, but I did. Sen Mitsuji looks like Emil, though he is Australian-Japanese and Emil is Danish. Emil was bullied into quitting gymnastics as a child because he looked Asian. Maybe if he had become a professional gymnast, he wouldn't have become a professional jazz player, and he wouldn't have left me.

IMDB madeleinepeccoux's review of Hunters

On to the next one!

Last night, I watched the first episode of Hunters. Al Pacino is such a fine man. I have a picture of him on my phone, wearing a wool coat and a ring on his index finger. Logan Lerman is fine, too, but I think he looks nicer on Instagram than on the show. He has a girlfriend and shares many pictures of her. She's beautiful. The freckles on her nose make her look like a small dog. I wonder if they will stay together forever. And if he leaves her, will she be broken-hearted, unable to even touch herself anymore?